CHAPTER SIX

Upstairs, in her bedroom, Connie took off all of her clothing and stood in front of the mirror. She became sad at the sight of her body. She felt that her body was losing all of its former character, losing its meaning. Here she was, only twenty-seven years old and looking more and more like an old woman.

Her body had once been beautiful and graceful. Only one man enjoyed that beauty, her young German boyfriend who had now been dead for ten years. She missed the physical and pure love that they had shared. She feared that it could not be found among any other men at all, for most seemed only to care about their orgasm.

She put on her nightgown and got into bed, where she cried hard, bitter tears. She felt anger toward Clifford and all men who were like him, men who were so selfish and let their women dry up and go to waste. It all seemed so wrong to her!

She got up very early the next morning and, as usual, helped Clifford to get ready for the day. He refused help from anybody else, even from male servants. He believed that Connie's helping him made the two of them closer. Some things, of course, Connie could not do on her own, such as lifting Clifford from the bath and so on. These things the cleaning woman's husband would help her with. And, of course, as most people who are cared for daily, Clifford began not to take notice of all the things Connie did for him. She knew that this was normal, but it still hurt her a great deal. She felt unappreciated in every way.

Connie tried not to blame Clifford, but in a way, she felt that he was too cold. There was absolutely no physical love between them, and in terms of their talk, it was mostly about his stories and seldom about their relationship. For people like Clifford, it was considered stupid to show much love toward someone. People like him, people with money and power, often chose to remain quiet about their feelings. Connie thought that this was sad. She desired male contact and proper loving attention. She wondered if there was any point in continuing to care for someone like that. Anyone could take care of Clifford. He did not need her so badly.

As the days went on, Connie found that she had very little to look forward to. Every day was the same as the next. She felt terribly unhealthy and feared that death might be approaching. So, she decided to write to her sister, Hilda, for help. She sent the letter, and, one week later, her sister drove down from Scotland to pay her a visit.

When Hilda arrived, she could see right away that something was wrong with Connie.

"What's going on here?" she asked.

"Nothing. I'm OK," Connie replied, feeling a little embarrassed.

Hilda, however, knew that her sister was not well. It was obvious. This made her very angry. So, she went directly to talk with Clifford. She found him sitting in his study. He looked well taken care of. His appearance was almost perfect. His eyes had a fighting look in them, but this did not stop Hilda from telling him just how she felt.

"My sister is looking quite ill, wouldn't you agree?" she said.

"Oh, I don't think it's serious. She's only lost a little weight," he answered.

"Well, she needs to see a doctor."

"Do you really think that's necessary? I certainly don't know of any good doctors in the area."

"Then I'll take her to London and have her examined there."

Clifford said nothing to this. He knew that underneath Hilda's polite manner, she was ready to argue with him.

Later, during dinner, Hilda strongly suggested that Clifford get a nurse to care for him, instead of Connie.

"I think you'd do much better with a male nurse, especially."

"Really?" Clifford managed to say, even though he was ready to explode with anger. He hated nurses, especially male nurses. He found it all too embarrassing to be taken care of by strangers.

"Of course! You mean you haven't noticed how much my sister has changed? She cannot continue to care for you on her own. If she does, then my father and I will have no choice but to take her back to Scotland for a few months to regain her strength."

The next day, Hilda drove Connie back to Kensington, where a doctor properly examined her.

"You must get out of that house and enjoy yourself more," he suggested. "Go abroad. Go to London. Go somewhere! If you continue the way you have been, I fear you'll lose yourself to sadness."

Michaelis heard that Connie was in town and immediately paid her a visit with flowers in his hands. He, once again, asked her to run away with him and marry. He almost begged her, but she refused again. She could not leave Clifford, for it would upset her too much.

Hilda hated the idea of her sister returning to that terrible place, Wragby. She hated it so much that she almost wished Connie would go ahead and marry Michaelis, though she did not like him much, either.

When they returned to Wragby, Hilda informed Clifford of the doctor's orders and made several suggestions for nurses to replace Connie immediately. When Clifford began to argue that he did not want a nurse, Hilda simply reminded him that he would leave her family no choice but to take Connie away from him. Therefore, the next day, Clifford chose a woman named Mrs Bolton, a woman from Tevershall, to act as his personal nurse.

Mrs Bolton was a forty-seven year old woman, who had lost her husband, twenty-two years before, in a mining accident. After that, she decided to go to nursing school. Once she learned everything there was to know, she became a nurse for the Tevershall Mining Company, where she had been working up until the present. Now she was looking for something a little easier to do. She did not like upper class people very much, but she somehow felt pity for Clifford, and maybe even more pity for Connie.

At first, Mrs Bolton was very quiet and allowed herself to be bossed around by Clifford, who immediately tried to take control of the situation. He even asked her to do things she was not expected to do, such as cleaning up after him and bringing drinks to the room for him. Soon, however, due to her years of experience, Mrs Bolton gained control over Clifford, just as she had before, with all of those stubborn miners. In fact, she found him to be no different from the workers, really.

Clifford, although his new nurse did a rather good job, was still quite upset that Connie was no longer his caregiver. He said that this change somehow hurt their relationship. Connie welcomed the change, however. She now had more freedom to do as she liked. She did not have to sit and listen to Clifford talk for hours about nothing. He still desired their late night discussions, but Connie would ask Mrs Bolton to come and prepare Clifford for bed just at the time these discussions would have begun. This allowed Connie to retire to her bedroom, where she would spend time the way that she wanted to spend it: alone.

Mrs Bolton brought a welcome change to Wragby. Connie felt that her life could now change a little for the better. And she looked forward to enjoying her new independence.

(end of section)